ALIVE: Chapter 100, The Passing of Anna

On this day as Mary stood among her schoolmates in the temple chanting and worshipping during the service of the sixth hour, her heart welled up within her. She felt happy, rather it was quiet exhilaration. She didn’t know why exactly, but she kept on chanting. She carefully listened to every word that she was singing, and she absorbed them and meant them. When the service ended and Mary was filing out of the temple, in middle of a gaggle of pious girls of different shapes and sizes, she spotted Mother weaving through the flock towards her. 

“Mary, come with me to my apartment please. I’d like to speak with you.” she said when she was within range to speak quietly.

“Yes, mother.” replied Mary wondering what she could want. 

The two ladies peeled off  from the group, walking side by side in silence. When they arrived at her apartment, Mother stepped in front of Mary to open her door. 

“Please sit down here.” she said pointing to her most comfortable chair and sat across from darling Mary. 

Mary looked up calmly and inquisitively. Mother noticed how beautiful this young girl had become, so serene and so humble. “My dear, I’m saddened to tell you that your mother passed away today.” Mary gasped. Mother stopped to give her a moment to process the harsh news. 

Mary’s eyes widened in disbelief as if she opened them to allow the comfort of wisdom to enter, and when it didn’t, they returned to normal. Instead, sheer emotion, tears, spilled out that had welled up from her heart. She didn’t want it to be true, but like being faced with big concrete wall, she had nowhere to go but to admit the reality of it.

After a few tender moments, Mother continued. “She was expected at her neighbor’s house for lunch and when she didn’t arrive, the neighbor went to her home. When she went inside she found your mother still in bed. She went over and saw that the breath of God had left her. She wants you to know that she looked very peaceful. Her eyes were still open looking to heaven, so the woman shut her eyes and went for the priest. We must be going to meet them at the tomb. Sunset is neigh.”

Mary and mother quickly stood up together and hugged. Mother was the first to break away from the embrace, but she took Mary’s hand and bowed her head, “Our Lord and our God. May Your will be done in all things. Please look upon your humble servant Mary, now an orphan, and father her and lead her to do Your holy will all the days of her life.” The mother looking up led Mary out of the apartment. The two women scurried over to the tomb which was a close walk from the temple. Mary was in a daze. Everything in her life changed so quickly, she felt untethered without her mother in the world.

When Mother and Mary arrived at the tomb they found a small group of people there waiting for her. Reuben, the neighbor who found her, the innkeeper, and a few other ladies all looked at Mary as the two ladies approached them, relieved that they had arrived before sunset. 

Mary went directly over to the priest out of respect. He took her hand in both of his and expressed his grief over the loss of Anna. “Your mother was a very special lady Mary. I will miss her. She was a devoted servant of the Lord. Her sacrifices did not go unnoticed by God.” Overhearing this Anna’s friends started to weep. It was true. 

Mary looked up to notice the sky was emblazoned with streaks of orange, pink, and red. The sun’s last message of the day was beauty and rest. The spectacular sight penetrated Mary’s heart and gave her an inexplicable sense of calm, as a good night kiss from her beloved mother. 

The priest began, “O Shepherd of Israel, Who dost neither slumber nor sleep, we are the people of Thy pasture and the sheep of Thy hand. Enfold us safely in Thy love. And if in our grief and loneliness and moments of desolation, we should stray from following Thee, O leave us not, faithful Shepherd, but draw us near unto Thee.

God, full of mercy, who dwells in the heights, provide a sure rest upon the Divine Presence's wings [...] Therefore, the Master of Mercy will protect her forever, from behind the hiding of his wings, and will tie her soul with the rope of life. The Everlasting is her heritage, and she shall rest peacefully upon her lying place, and let us say: Amen.”

Mary concluded the service chanting Alleluia, but this time instead of with her mother, for her. Rueben and the priest, were reminded of when Anna and Mary had chanted with such stunning harmony at Joachim’s funeral.  With Mary’s lonely chant they felt the depth of her grief. Actually Mary was glorifying God for blessing her with such a devoted mother. Deep within her soul, while she was praising God, Mary vowed to follow her example of humility, no matter what the cost to her pride. She couldn’t imagine a world without her mother to whom she had grown so close these last few years. 

After the funeral, they sat shuvus at the neighbor’s home. Other women, friends of Anna, had prepared a supper buffet and were ready for the arrival of the funeral party. 

As soon as it was polite, Mary asked to be excused and went to her mother’s home. She could not chat with these women when her heart was overflowing with love for her mother who, she would not see or hear again. Her mind was spinning, trying to grasp the meaning of death, the meaning of Anna’s death to her. 

In her mother’s empty home, alone for the first time ever, Mary plopped herself down on mother’s chair of prayer. She knew mother had spent a lot of time in this chair, praying and reading or just in contemplation. She wanted to feel her presence, just as she had her father’s on the bench at the rose garden; how much more could she sense her mama, in this room where she had lived alone for two years. Mary dosed off sitting in the chair.

In deep sleep, Mary saw her mother, only the woman did not look like her mama, nevertheless she knew it was her. Anna was very young, perhaps only a little older than Mary was. The young lady was floating in the sky and Mary wanted to follow her. She reached her arms high and called, “Pick me up! I want to be with you!” 

Young Anna said, “No, you have to stay down there.” Suddenly both young ladies, Mary and Anna, were walking across a field. Anna said, “It is so hot today!” 

“Look over there, a cave! Let’s go inside and cool off! I’ll race you!” Anna took off and Mary ran to catch up. Mary was as swift as a stallion and soon surpassed her mother. She reached the cave first and entered huffing and puffing to catch her breath. Anna was still running towards her when Mary turned around to see how deep the cave was. She walked deeper and deeper into the cool dark cave to follow a distant sound. Soon she saw that the sound was coming from a stream of water. She cupped her hands to drink the water, when Anna appeared beside her and said, “Let me drink first to make sure it’s clean.”

Suddenly Anna disappeared and Mary started calling for her. Where could she have gone? “Mama, mama!” shouted Mary. “Where are you? Come back! It’s so dark in here! I’m afraid!” And she really was. Mary started to cry like a baby. The stream of water that she had been standing beside poured out of her eyes. But it felt good and cool. She forgot about her mama and squeezed her eyes tight to make the water stop. She squeezed harder and harder until her face was all pressed together, puckered lips and wrinkled nose and all. Then she heard a drum beat and wondered if there was another person in the cave. The drum got louder and louder and woke her up!

It was a knock on her mother’s door. Mary was surprised that she had fallen asleep. It was morning already! She stood up and walked over to the door.  It was Mother looking for her.

“Oh Mary, I am so glad to find you here. We were worried. It took me a while to find your mother’s address. Are you alright my dear?”

“Oh mother, I’m so sorry. I came here after sitting shuva and fell asleep in the chair! Can we sit here for a little bit. Can I get you some tea?”  

There were so many angels in that room that the most sensitive person would feel jittery, but Mary was still rather young and Mother had the composure of a monk-nun. She easily perceived what a blessing the situation was, as if the Lord God was raining sparkling flakes of gold that dissipated mid-air to fill the space with light and the fragrance of a field of  pink roses. The angels were watching intensely, in awe and admiration too of the blessing of the moment. For Mary and her two mothers to be alone together free from the distractions of the busy school and the pressures of the temple life was one of those rare golden moments in life that are cherished forever.

Yes, Anna was there too, the remnants of her spirit in the furnishings and her beloved trinkets that filled the room with her precious memories. Mary and Mother were enveloped in Anna there. 

Mary prepared the tea while Mother sat herself at the table and watched. She perceived that Mary was so comfortable in her mother’s home. 

Mary knew just where to find her mother’s best cups. She was happy to see that there was still some honey in the honey pot too. She prepared the tea, and found some biscuits for Mother. At that moment Mary felt as if the whole world had fallen asleep outside and she and her beloved Mother were in a bubble. 

“Thank you my dear. This is delicious.” said Mother while sipping her tea. “You know, I too was an only child.”

“Really, Mother. Please tell me about your childhood. I have never even imagined you as a child.”

Mother laughed. “Of course not. My mother died while trying to give birth to a brother. Both mother and the baby died. I was only three years old, but I’ll never forget the grief and fear I felt that day. I think I cried for a week without stopping. My father too cried. We cried together, he often clutching me in his arms.”

“Oh, Mother! How horrible, how sad!”

“Yes and no, my dear. My father was a good man, he loved my mother very much. He became both father and mother to me. He was a shepherd and he would take me out into the fields with him while I was still very young. We spent many hours talking about the Lord and life. My father had the faith of Job, and he never veered from it. Many of the village women and my aunts wanted to take me into their homes, but he wouldn’t hear of it.”

Mary’s eyes welled up with tears of sympathy, thinking about her papa too. 

“Mary, have you noticed how a little candle light can fill a dark room with light. The darker the room, the brighter is the light. In your life, you too will have hardship, but please remember the lesson of the candle. Look for the light in your hours of darkness.”

“Like this moment. I am so very sad Mother, but if my mama was still alive, we would not have had this time together. So what happened when you grew up? Did you go to school?”

“Yes, my father sent me to the temple when he knew that I needed more than he could give me, and he knew I needed the companionship of other girls. Sending me away was a great loss and sacrifice for him.

Mary, I too am so glad to have this time alone together. Your mother was a very special woman. I admired her very much. I’ll never forget the day she brought you to me. I could tell how difficult it was for her to leave you. The anguish in that mother’s heart could only be soothed by her devotion and gratitude to the Lord, for blessing her with you. She was a remarkable woman. She suffered such loneliness when she had to return to an empty home. But she filled the hollow space with gratitude and praise instead of grief. Mary, I don’t know any other woman who would have relinquished her only child, her daughter to God. I have tried to be a good substitute mother to you, but your mother Anna was the queen of mothers in my mind.”

Mary smiled shyly. “Thank you Mother for telling me these things. I am so grateful for these last years of getting to spend more time with her. In some ways I feel that she really became my mother in these years. She was a very wise woman, and I hope to become like her.”

After two hours of heart to heart talk, the ladies decided that they had been absent long enough, and had best return to the temple. Mother helped Mary tidy up, and she washed the dishes. 

Before walking out they took a good long look at Anna’s cozy home home and Mother said, “you will need to pack up what you want, and plan a trip back to Nazareth, to take these things to your home there, where you will go when you graduate soon. I will find someone to accompany you. I will also find someone to sell this house, which will ....” Mother stopped herself because she wanted to say that it would be her dowry, but she knew that was a subject for another day.

“Yes, Mother. I suppose my whole life is about to change. I pray the Lord will guide me to do His will always.”

“Yes Mary, your Mother, Anna, was a good model to show you how doing God’s will, even if it isn’t your choice for your life is the right path to take.”

“I am glad to have been raised in the temple. To get to know you and the other girls. I would have been a very different person had I stayed in Nazareth. I suppose it’s best not even to make plans for my future, but let the Lord guide me. I trust him.”

Mother figured that enough was said about that, but she was happy to hear Mary sounding more open to betrothal than before. 

The ladies walked back to the temple, even though Mary would have appreciated more time alone in her mother’s home.

When they arrived at school Mary asked mother for permission to go to the altar and pray. Permission was granted.

Mary entered the hallowed space and instantly felt hollow and full of emotion. As she stood facing the altar, she felt as if her parents had planted her on the earth and left. She was abandoned, but a greater parent, the Lord, had always been there to father her. 

She began to pray aloud but quietly, “My Lord and God, my King and Father all I ever really need is Your love and Your guidance. I offer my soul and my body to you Lord. I have no need for a husband, who may come between us, because I don’t want to share my love with anyone but You. I vow this day before you, what I have mentioned to others, but on this day I vow to remain a Virgin. I will trust You to guide me and take care of me. I will serve you all the days of my life. And when I go to Sheol, I will worship You, even from that frightening place of the dead.”

The High priest was in the temple and he saw Mary pray. In the big dark space of the temple sound bounced from wall to wall and he could hear her whispered vows.