ALIVE: Chapter 176, Behind the Book

When the disciples escaped, leaving Jesus to be arrested, without a thought in their minds, they ran down the mount back to Jerusalem.

Far enough away from the scene, and out of breath, one by one the man stopped to let his pounding heart settle down.

“Look at you!” chuckled Simon to naked John.

“Stop. Give me something to put on; what have you got?” Simon reached into his knapsack and pulled out a loincloth for his young friend.

“Thank you.”

Hearing them talk, the rest of the disciples went over to join them and plan their next steps.

“Did that just happen?” asked Phillip with overwhelming incredulity.

“I’m afraid it did.” replied James. “Let’s go to His mother’s house and tell her.”

“Good idea.” answered Thomas.

“Come on, let’s go.”

Too stressed to rest, the disciples slowly coalesced before moving on, each man looking around to make sure everyone was present and that they hadn’t been followed by those young men with weapons.

James said, “Wait a minute, aren’t we forgetting something?”

Andrew looked around for a second headcount while the others just looked at James to answer his own question.

James added, “We need to speak to the Father, to tell us what we should do now; what just happened?”

“We know what happened. Jesus was arrested. He told us this was going to happen. What more is there to know?” retorted Thomas.

The other Judas said, “Did you see the Iscariot? What a louse! How could he betray our Lord like that?”

Matthew replied, “The man is distorted. I think his love of money destroyed him. He must have been paid to do what he did.”

The men nodded and shrugged their shoulders.

John said, “It’s late, let’s go to Mary before it gets even later. I want to be with her when she finds out.”

“Okay, let’s go.” added Peter mimicking Jesus’ authoritative tone of voice.

James looked up into the starry heavens and said aloud for everyone to hear, “Father God, please give us wisdom and strength to do what You would have us do at this time.”

Peter shouted back, “I know what I’m going to do. I’m going back to find the Master and stay close.”

Thomas replied, “No sense doing that until morning. You know they just put Him in solitary confinement.”

Just the sound of those words made the disciples shiver. How could Jesus, with all His power be confined? Could the sun be lassoed and thrown in a room?

“I’m going back anyway. I can’t leave Him. You men go to Mary’s house without me.” said Peter , who turn around a ran quickly back to find and follow Jesus.

The rest of the men walked the rest of the way in silence, feeling deeply the absence of their Master who was always with them, except when He sent them out, and even then He was with them.

Missing Him and fretting, while walking Andrew wondered where they took Him.

About an hour later they arrived at Mary’s house. Andrew knocked gently on the door, enough for her to hear if she was awake, but not so hard as to alarm her.

Mary came to open the door for her Son’s brothers.

“Come in men, I’ve been expecting you.” she said in a very sad and somber tone.

John wormed his way through the men to hug her. They wept together.

Andrew said, “How did you know?”

Mary was reticent to tell them about Gabriel’s visitation and decided not to. “That doesn’t matter now Andrew, please let’s pray.”

The men gathered around sitting on the divan and on the floor wherever they could find room. Some eyes closed, others stayed open. Mary began to chant. Then the men joined in and chanted with her. Worship was all they could do. They had no words to express the deep grief, loss, and fear that they felt. But they sensed that they all felt the same.

Bartholomew broke through first and asked, “Lord God, please strengthen our Lord, and Your Son.”

James and John confessed out loud and with averted eyes, that they fell asleep while Jesus was in agony in the garden, and how much He was suffering in anticipation of what He knew would happen, but that somehow He came out with resolve. The Father must have strengthened Him.

Hearing that, Mary smiled knowingly.

Bartholomew and Matthew glared at James and John with scowls on their faces. But they soon remembered that they were sleeping then too.

Mary and her Son’s disciples chanted and prayed for a while. Then Mary announced that it was time to sleep. “We will all need our strength tomorrow. Okay boys?” The men obeyed like boys who loved and respected their mother.

Knapsacks were opened and bedrolls were strewn on the floor and over the divans until everyone comfortably and quickly fell into deep sleep.

Except young John who was so troubled, and felt the pain of Jesus’ mother Mary that he replayed the long day in his mind. Had it only been hours before, when they had been dining in the upper room, and Jesus washed his feet? It felt like weeks ago and that those moments were in a bubble floating up and away into heaven. And yet the scene was seared in his mind. Never ever to be forgotten.

John spent a long while thinking about when Jesus gave them bread and told them that it literally was His body! “How strange?” He had never heard of anyone saying such an outrageous thing before. And that the wine was actually His blood. “How could that be? Why would the Master do that?” John tried to calm his mind to see if the Lord would answer his confusion. He continued to think, “Jesus had said that it was for the remission of sins.” His thoughts then went to the sacrificial lamb which must be eaten for the remission of sins.

“But then, the blood? Didn’t the law say not to eat the blood with the flesh? Why would Jesus tell us to drink His blood with His flesh?!” Again John tried to clear his mind in hopes that an answer would come.

John thought about Jesus, who was the Son of God, the Father. He thought about how a human Father bestows his own body and his blood to his children. That’s what a father is. So it is therefore not unusual to receive the body with the blood together, when it is from one’s father. Could Jesus have been giving us His Body and Blood as a Father? THE Father? Could Jesus be the human extension of His Father on the earth, and so, by giving us His true body and blood, He was making us His true sons, and thus giving us true relationship to each other?  He sensed on this night, as on no other after these years of living together and following Jesus around Israel that they were made, through the body and blood of Jesus into a true family, a family related in human form, body and blood, not just a spiritual, friend-like family. “By giving us His Body and His Blood, we became HIS real flesh and blood family. By telling us that it is for the remission of sins…. It is so we can be sinless as He is. Jesus IS the Father!”

That realization really shook John. He didn’t expect to come to such a powerful conclusion. He didn’t expect it and he knew that he hadn’t conjured that thought up himself but rather it came from above. His body tingled inside. He felt new and different. Like he felt at his baptism in the Jordan. He was a different person. A son of God, through receiving God’s body and blood  (Jesus) means that he is immortal too (and for life everlasting.)

John realized that He no longer had anything to worry about, no matter how bad the next day would be. He knew that God was in control, and although he still couldn’t figure out why Jesus had to suffer so much undeserving humiliation and pain, John was sure that it was for a good reason.

Having received the message that calmed him down, sleep fell upon John very quickly.

…

Meanwhile, Judas Iscariot was tortured. He shrunk away from the mob and slithered into the woods where he was faced with himself. Greedy, corrupt. He was ashamed and frightened that he could care so much more about what the Pharisees thought than about Jesus. Didn’t Jesus wash his feet? Didn’t he just eat His body and drink His blood. He wasn’t worthy. Judas cried and cried, but no one heard him.

He vowed to give the coins back.

He grew silently hysterical. He couldn’t stand to live inside his own skin. “Why oh why did I betray Jesus? What did He do to deserve…. death? They may even kill Him! I must get to Him. I must ask for His forgiveness. I must try to help Him escape!

How?”

Judas ran farther away so he couldn’t be heard and threw himself on the cold ground and cried harder than he had since he was an infant. “Woe is me!” he worked himself into a stupor. He couldn’t move. For hours Judas lay face down on the earth, too ashamed to turn and look at the stars in the heavens and cried, “I wish that I had never been born.”