ALIVE : Chapter 172, The Pelican

With only hours left before the end of His human life on earth, Jesus still had so much to tell His brotherhood of disciples. As He walked around in the room, Jesus looked up and noticed the pelicans that adorned the tops of the columns and thought about how fitting they were for what He had in mind to do that evening. He felt very comfortable in that room and complimented Peter and John for setting it up so nicely. A deep feeling of love for His disciples welled up within Him, and nearly brought Him to the brink of tears. The juxtaposition of His immense feelings of love and awareness of the suffering He and His followers would have to bear grieved Him, but He held it in. This was not the time to emote. These hours were precious.

“Let’s eat, I’m hungry!” exclaimed Jesus to pop out of His nostalgia. Then He looked over at Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, and of course knowing that Judas betrayed him, He watched him act jovial. Judas was jawboning with Thomas about what they had seen in the marketplace that morning, a beautiful young woman carefully selecting beans, only the unblemished ones. Judas was acting out that lady which made Thomas laugh. Actually, Jesus appreciated the levity.

Andrew called out, “Okay, everyone, wash your hands and sit down; we’re ready.” Jesus was the first to pray and wash His hands and then He sat down on the pillow at the low triclinium. Because He was the host He took the second seat from the right end and invited His beloved young disciple John to sit in the seat of honor to His right. Jesus called out Judas to be honored to sit on his left. Judas sheepishly took his place. Peter took the last place at the table opposite John (hoping to be called up, which never happened. Instead Peter  accepted the humility of being in the last place.) One by one, the other seats were filled. Everyone was quiet as they looked to Jesus for the prayer.

Jesus led His men in the prayer of thanksgiving and they ate the first course in silence; the men all perceived the solemnity of the occasion just by looking at how pensive Jesus was. James surmised that this would probably be the last supper, before the last Passover that they would ever celebrate together which gave cause to his own feelings of nostalgia.

After eating a few figs, Jesus said, “Before we continue, having washed our hands, it is time to wash your feet as well. Please remove your sandals.”

The men looked at each other in curiosity. This had never happened before. The sense that life and their routine was about to change radically was confirmed by gradual changes such as having this private room all to themselves, and now Jesus interrupting the meal to wash feet. If nothing else, the disciples had learned over the past few years to be open to surprises.

Jesus, looking at His loyal men and knowing that He came from God and would soon return to His Father, He was about to do something that His Father directed Him to do. He stood up and removed His garment and laid it aside, then He took a towel that He had brought that was lying on the nearby table and wrapped it around His waist as He walked over to the table with the large hand-washing basin. He poured more water in the basin, lifted it up and carried it first to John.

John looked up at Jesus with curiosity, then swung around followed by the others who swung around to face outward and offered their feet to be washed. Jesus lovingly took the water in His cupped hand and splashed it on John’s left foot and then his right. He rubbed off the dirt and dust and splashed some more to rinse them. When He finished that Jesus removed the towel from His waist and used it to wipe John’s feet.

Then Jesus went to the other end of the table to Simon Peter who had been watching attentively with dismay wondering how John could let Jesus do that. Simon Peter said, “Lord! How can You wash my feet? I should be washing Your feet!”

Jesus answered and said, “You don’t understand what I am doing now, but you will.”

Peter replied, “NO! You will never wash my feet!”

Jesus said, “If I don’t wash you, you have no part with Me.”

Simon Peter said, “Lord, in that case, don’t wash my feet only, but also my hands and my head.”

Jesus said, “He that is bathed needs only to wash his feet, and is thoroughly clean. You are clean,” then looking up and around at all His men added, “but not all. You are not all clean.”

The disciples looked to their left and right for a guilty-looking face and saw none. Meanwhile, Jesus went down the line, and washed every disciple’s feet as carefully as He washed John’s. The last person was Judas Iscariot. Judas was stiff and nearly holding his breath. No one noticed. Jesus, did not look up at his eyes, but rather focused on the rough heels and crooked toes to try to scrub them clean, but He was not able. So stained were Judas’s rough trodden feet. Another reason Jesus did not look up was because He didn’t want Judas to see the grief in His eyes. It was not the grief of the victim wronged that Jesus was trying to keep in, but because He knew that Judas would suffer more from his betrayal than Jesus ultimately would. If He had looked up, He would have seen with His mind’s eye the noose that Judas would place around his own neck to take his life because of his deep remorse. If only he had asked for forgiveness. Did his shame obliterate any sense of humility? Instead, Jesus rinsed and rinsed those scrubbed feet, that in their toughness revealed how accustomed to the ground they were. Jesus dried them with the towel and then put His garment back on, tossed the dirty water out, filled the basin with the rest of the clean water, washed His hands with prayer again,  and returned to His  seat between John and Judas.

Jesus said, “Men, do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord: and that’s true, I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, learn from Me, and wash one another’s feet. I have given you an example; do to others as I have done to you. You know that the servant is not greater than his lord. One who is sent, is not greater than the one that sent him. This is obvious, now do it and be blessed because you please Me as I send you out into the world. Humble yourself before all.”

As they listened to Jesus speak to them, with such passion and sincerity, Matthew, the former tax collector, thought he heard the gravity in His voice compelling His disciples to put aside their egos as if their life depended on it, because it does. Of all the disciples around that table, Matthew understood most the value of setting aside a false sense of self-worth. Then he heard Jesus say something very strange and unexpected, which he didn’t understand, and which he struggled to think through before succumbing to sleep that night.

He had said, “I am not speaking of all of you. I know whom I have chosen. Do you remember the scripture that says, “He that eats my bread lifts up his heel against me. I am telling you about what will happen, so that you know that when these things occur, rest assured that I knew, so you will believe that I am who I say I am. Welcome those who I will send you. By doing so, you will be receiving Me. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. He who receives me, receives Him that sent Me, Who is My Father and your God, Yahweh.”

Right after the prayer, Jesus took a loaf of bread from the several loaves strewn on the table. He blessed, and tore off one piece at a time and passed it down until each disciple had a piece of leavened bread. They all knew not to eat their bread yet. Jesus looked to make sure everyone had bread in hand and He raised His piece and said, “Take, eat; this is My body.” It was a powerful moment. Judas was quaking in his sandals. Thomas wanted to cry. Bartholomew and Andrew looked at each other wide eyed as they chewed the bread, their Lord’s body, and swallowed it.  Bartholomew looked up at the pelican while chewing,  remembering that she feeds her young from her own flesh to keep them alive when needed.

When everyone had finished their own piece of what was their Lord’s body, Jesus raised a large golden goblet of dark red wine. He lifted the goblet that He had brought with Him from His mother’s house and when He had given thanks, He said, “Drink from this goblet, this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many unto remission of sins.” He first turned to John on His right, who took the first sip, then took the chalice back and handed it to Judas on His left. John noticed a warm feeling in his chest as the wine penetrated his body, suddenly he felt older, wiser, and stronger. He smiled at the sensations. James carefully received the chalice from Judas on his right lest even a drop would accidentally spill, and just as carefully handed it to Thomas.

While His blood was being passed from disciple to disciple, Jesus said, “I will not drink of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it anew with you in My Father’s kingdom. I have desired to eat this year’s Passover with you before I suffer, but I am afraid that I will not eat the Passover meal until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.”  

John thought about how close they had all been all these months and through so many marvelous and dangerous events, and how much he truly loved his Lord. He thought about how loving and majestic it was for Jesus to leave them with such a lasting, even eternal continuation of their relationship with Him. No. More than a relationship, it was an offer of unity. John was overwhelmed by joy at this gift, at the sentiment of it and the materiality of it. How earthly, how heavenly!

All were stone silent while each of them sipped the blood-red wine. After watching disciple after disciple sip His blood, the deep grief that festered in His heart surfaced as He looked around the U-shaped table down to Peter at the end and said in a low voice, “One of you will betray me.”

Not everyone heard Jesus say that because they had started talking to each other. But John heard it, and Peter across the way who was looking directly at Jesus when He said that heard it. Peter, looking directly at John, gestured to him from across the table as if to say to him, "Who is it?” John straightened himself up from leaning on Jesus's breast and said to Him quietly, "Lord, who is it?"

Judas who was sitting in the second place of honor to Jesus’s left heard Jesus too and trembled as he said, “Is it me?” Jesus answered, "I will dip my bread into this bowl of sauce and give it to him.” He dipped the bread and gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, who received it in fear and ate it. After he swallowed the bread, Satan entered into him. Those who are unworthy of the Eucharist suffer harm by it. As the prophet Isaiah said, “it becomes a burning coal.”

Jesus then said to Judas quietly,, "What you do, do quickly." Other than John, no one of those reclining at the table, who heard knew why Jesus said that to him. They thought it was because Judas had the bag, that that he should go out into the marketplace and purchase the Passover meal of lamb and bitter herbs, and that Judas should also give some of the money to the poor as a Passover mitzvah. Judas stood up immediately and rushed out the door. Jesus said to John as the others were eating their supper and chatting with each other, “The Son of Man indeed goes just as it is written of Him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better if he had not been born.”

Jesus, John, and Peter watched Judas leave. After Judas walked out the door, Jesus said, “Now is the Son of man glorified, and God is glorified in Him; and God will glorify Him in Himself.” Only a few of the disciples were paying attention to what Jesus was saying because they were involved in their own conversations. Those and a few more whose conversations paused looked up at Jesus in the gap of their chatter to hear Him add, “Little children, I am with you for a little while longer. After that you will look for Me, but not find Me because where I go, you cannot come.”

Hearing that, Bartholomew said quietly to Thomas, “Where is He going?

Simon Peter said out loud, “Lord, where are you going?”

Jesus answered, “Where I go, you cannot follow Me now; but you will later.”

Peter replied, “Lord, why can’t I follow You now? I will lay down my life for You!”

Jesus to Peter, “Will you lay down your life for Me? To tell you the truth, you will deny Me three times before the cock crows.”

Peter felt misjudged and offended, but didn’t allow those feelings to fester and cause a rift between him and Jesus.

By then, one disciple after another stopped chatting to listen. Jesus letting Peter process all that, then continued, “A new commandment I give you, that you love one another even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.”