1. Thread - Black and Blue

The darkness of night is falling all around me. I don’t know how far out it goes but far enough so that I can’t see the end of it. It’s scary because in this darkness eyes are easily tricked into seeing a make-believe world where lies are good, where hatred wins, and where hope is exploited to deceive the simple minded. I know it is dark because I hear myself crying. Where there should be walls that shelter me, or that at least I can lean on when I start to fall, there is only a mirage. It’s important not to become dizzy or I will surely lose footing and plummet into the abyss. Eyes, stay open! Stay standing! I don’t know if my legs would have the strength to get me up again. My feet, as muddy as they are, are planted in a dirty kind of cloud in which a roller coaster keeps my heart on high alert. Am I dreaming? Where is my Boss? Remember I saw Him yesterday when He told me to turn on the television set just in time to get a message from a smiling white haired man who showed me the sparkle of light where before, when it was day, there had been a black hole of darkness. Some consolation! It was easy to avoid that black hole; I never paid too much attention to it even though I knew how dangerous it was, how many people fell into it. That timing made me feel calm for about a second. Boss, can you do any better than that? Where did you go? It’s so dark I can’t see you or hear you or nothin’! I want to go inside and look for some light there, at least enough to read by until morning comes. Is this a test like in the olden days when I was fed to the lions? Okay, I can take a test. Surely I studied enough. If the feet are muddy and there is no water around, get rid of them entirely. I don’t need feet. I only need light. Cling. I don’t need walls and I don’t need hard ground because I am a spirit after-all. Now where will I find some light? When it is this dark, the only thing I can do for light is to burn something. The only things I have to burn in this crazy place are those impurities in my self that have been making me feel fat and happy: pride, anxiety, vanity. I hate to see them go. But I must, these are desperate times. This darkness may eat me alive! Oh wow look at all that filthy pride and animus in here! That should give me at least a day or so of light! I remember when I was young and wanted to be a candle because of the way candles sacrifice themselves for light, and the day I realized that fasting was a good way to become a candle because it burned the fat. Ha-ha-ha, that was funny. If I was an olive I could be an oil lamp, but I’m not an olive and I’m not a waxy candle. I must get all that garbage together and figure out how to ignite it. I know; I’ll ignite the filthy garbage with the fiery coal of Eucharist. That’s what I’ll do. That should work. Maybe this is a very good situation after all. A pitch-black dark crazy world may be just what I need to prepare for the luminous land of immortality. Sunny daytime made me think everything was okay when it wasn’t really at all. I’ll get use to this dark place and when I finally make light maybe other spirits will come closer and we can make enough light together so that we can pretend, if only for a minute that we are in the new world. Okay, something to look forward to and to work on. I feel better.