50. June 29 - Feast of Peter and Paul - the Childhood of the Bride

After the liturgy for the Feast of the Holy Spirit, I wanted to fly away from the church building that I had loved so much. I must confess that I had gradually become discouraged to see the Bride as a matronly queen bedecked in Her jewels. She had great form but less authenticity than I expected after having experienced the Crucifixion, Resurrection, and Pentecost which gave Her purpose.

In spite of the efforts of the Holy Spirit and the Body and Blood of Christ distributed with great frequency, I perceived a plethora of clashes between the personalities of the people inside the church, especially as compared to the personality of Jesus, their Lord and Saviour. Though Jesus did everything He could by His example and commands to unite the people of the Bride into one image and likeness, I saw few evidences of such unity.

The men, women, and children I perceived to be most like Jesus shined so brightly that they illuminated the space around them. It was these people who showed me that it was possible for a human to be filled by the Holy Spirit. Yet, knowing it was possible made me more critical of the others.

The clashes of personalities were evidenced by complaints, rudeness, disrespect, ingratitude and on and on. There seemed to be little difference between the people inside the Church and the unbelievers and heretics, whom I had witnessed in the streets of every century and locale.

I wondered if Satan himself, that dividing diabolical scoundrel, had painted a thick fog throughout this church to depress me and force me out. I sat sulking in the balcony wanting to be left alone to listen for wisdom from the Holy Spirit and to look for light through this thick gray fog.

After the church was purged of all of its human contents, it became easier to see the battle between the angels and the demons who were brought into the building by the impure and hypocritical. The edifice was packed with spiritual weapons of every kind flying through the air.

"I haven't always been this way, you know."

I looked around to see who or what spoke to me and could see nothing, neither angel nor demon, neither matter nor spirit. I was stunned. I was dumbfounded. I was paralyzed.

"You can't see me because I am many, and I am one. You can only hear me because I am human and divine. I am the Bride whose year you follow. I try to hide from the demons but they will not give me relief because of those children of mine who will not take me seriously enough to obey Me and the commands of My Beloved. Their disobedience emboldens the demons to torment me. What can I do?

Even as you long for the end of this year when you can return to your heaven, I hunger for the end of time, to the wedding feast of The Lamb of God which will usher in a new heaven and new earth. I long for Judgment Day, when the merciful will receive mercy, and the rest will receive justice, after which we will all live in peace and harmony."

While She spoke I scoured the air from mosaic wall to iconostasis from seraphim dome to terrazzo floor with my X-ray vision but could not see the source of those austere words that echoed my own feelings. She continued...

"I was born both human and divine. I was lovely and wise when all of my children loved and obeyed me. Now some of them come without faith to pay their respects, as an obligation. Help me angel, but first, for relief, let me take you to my youth to see with what strength and courage I progressed from infancy to childhood."

I wasn't sure whether or not I was actually hearing the voice of the Bride who had been silent from Creation Day until now, nine months of silence.

'Aha!' I thought, 'That's why I had never heard her before; She had been in gestation for nine months, indicative of her flawed humanity, waiting patiently for Her Pentecostal birthday. She is miserable and perplexed because she is newborn and she is old. My heart was sad for the Bride, and I didn't know how I could help Her.

Reading my heart She said, "Only God can help me, but He won't. He allows the tares to grow with the wheat. All I can do is protect the corner of my heart where the flame still burns bright. Come, let's go back to my youth, when I was pure and lovely, when the Holy Spirit birthed Me as He did my Beloved Spouse Jesus."

"I am happy to leave here Your Majesty," I said, "but how could You ever leave yourself?"

She replied, in tones of grief and frustration, "It is my building we will leave for now angel. You are right to observe that I can't leave myself. I am a prisoner of the opposing forces within Me. I will survive. Follow me."

How could I follow neither matter nor spirit? I fluttered my wings and wondered which way to point them when I felt a tug. I sensed that if I went limp I would be taken back to Jerusalem where the Bride was born and raised. I was right.

We arrived in Jerusalem in the presence of Peter who was boldly proclaiming Christ to a small crowd that surrounded him. Peter had clearly evolved from student-disciple to Apostle as he fed and nurtured the beautiful baby Bride to help Her become the militant young girl who with spunk and confidence would boldly enrich humanity around the earth with eternal life and healing powers. That girl, that young Bride was indeed fishing for men, and She never grew weary. She cast her nets to the left and right and pulled in thousands of souls with Peter as her mouthpiece.

While I was looking at Peter from a new perspective, that of a young father more than as a student, I felt another tug. This time I was dragged to the Damascus Road where a Jewish zealot marched hard with rancor and malice in his heart. To my astonishment I saw Jesus appear to him as out of thin air. Suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him and he heard a voice saying to him, "Saul, Saul why do you persecute me?" He asked in fear, "Who are you?"

The voice replied, "I am Jesus who you are persecuting."

The Bride and I watched as that hostile man groped in blind darkness for three days. He neither ate nor drank. He sometimes cried and sometimes shouted, then He would sit in silent surrender, listening for Holy Wisdom to open his (Saul/Paul's) clenched mind and pour in the truth.

With a new and youthful voice full of love and hope the Bride said to me, "Today I honor my two beloved fathers. Peter, strong and wise was given the healing powers of My Jesus. How beautifully Peter emulated what he saw Jesus say and do. He went into the world, even as far as Rome risking life and limb carrying high the torch of Christ to illuminate the darkness of ignorance and death.

And here you see blessed Paul who like so many of My best children passed through long periods of doubt and even animosity. He neither spoke with Jesus, nor walked with Him as did the disciples, nor witnessed the Crucifixion and Resurrection, but nevertheless, as hundreds after him, Paul formed and shaped Me.

I will be eternally grateful to both Peter and Paul for my Life."

Suddenly I heard birds singing, not the cacophonous sounds they usually emit but they were miraculously tweeting in three part harmony. I sensed that the Bride felt much better, and hopefully would find a way to purify herself when she goes back to the future.